We love you dearly, Bacon Salt...

...just maybe not this much:

Bacon on TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

Texts from Last Night is one of our favorite sites to visit when we're not making, eating, researching, or talking about bacon. The site, which consists of user-submitted cell phone messages (usually sent right before, during, or in the aftermath of drunken shenanigans) is highly amusing--and, as it turns out, pretty bacon-centric in its own right.

Test #203: Bacon and GRAPES

The subject
Grapes are nature's candy. Are they as good as chocolate? That's debatable. One thing's for sure: you can pop a whole bunch of grapes in your mouth and not deal with consequential guilt. Or ass embiggedness. And if you could pig out on bacon with as much joy and as little bad feelings as you can with these little orbs of deliciousness...well, the thought is almost too fabulous to consider.

Before we'd finished the entire massive bunch of grapes, we decided to salvage a few for to wrap in the bacon. And that's exactly what we did.

The results
Yummy! The grape nearly disappeared--the touch of crunch that a green seedless grape has when it's in perfect condition was gone, leaving only intensified sweetness with a touch of bacon flavor seeped in. It was like biting into a bacon bonbon with a grape jelly center. Yummers.

The conclusion: Bacon + grapes = fruitastic

Test #202: Bacon and TURKEY BACON

The subject
In the past, there's been no love or respect for turkey bacon among the staff members of BDJ Labs. No offense to the bird that gave its life for the strips, but we've always felt that it just wasn't a meat product worthy of the "bacon" moniker. However, recently our friends Elana and Helen brought a package of the stuff to our Super Bowl party. Because it didn't get eaten on Sunday, it languished in the fridge, until we decided to give it the bacon treatment. And, while we waited for the test subjects to come out of the oven, we decided to nosh on some naked, unwrapped turkey bacon. While we won't completely go back on our former diss of the TB, we will admit that it tastes decent--hammy, not bacony--and we'll give it points for aspiring to be something greater than plain bird meat.

The results
Yummy--the turkey bacon didn't crisp up (it doesn't when baked on its own, either), but instead soaked up bacony grease and plenty of flavor. When coupled with the crispy bacony bacon on the outside, it was like eating crunchy bacon with a soft bacon center. All in all, a savory, bacony success.

The conclusion: Bacon + turkey bacon=worth gobbling up

Test #201: Bacon and BACON SALT SUNFLOWER SEEDS

The subject
One of our absolute things from the 2009 All Candy Expo (which had a big bunch of savory snacks, along with the sweets) were Bigs Sunflower Seeds--they come in crazy flavors like Frank's Red Hot (in our opinion, the best major-label hot sauce out there), Vlassic dill pickle, and the pinnacle of awesome tastes, Bacon Salt. We've never been the hugest fans of sunflower seeds, but when they taste like bacon, they're irresistible. We received a package of samples today from the company, and as a thank-you to the fine people at Bigs, we thought we'd give their fine product a big bacon salute.

The results
Awesome--the already bacontastic flavor of the sunflower seeds was amplified about 10 times by bacon wrapping. To return the favor, the shells added crunch to the crispy bacon. The texture might be a bit much for those that prefer to split and discard the shells before eating the seeds in the middle--we're the whole-nine-yards kind when it comes to sunflower seeds--but we think the texture was spot on.

The conclusion: Bacon + Bacon Salt sunflower seeds = a home run

Test #200: Bacon and GRAHAM CRACKER

The subject
Yes, we know the subject of this picture isn't a graham cracker--it's the late, great Monty Python trouper Graham Chapman, best known as King Arthur in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Unfortunately, graham crackers, delicious though they may be, aren't very photogenic. We're a big fan of both Mr. Chapman and his namesake snack, so we decided to try the bacon treatment. On the cracker, not the Chapman--he'd probably taste funny.

The results
Fabulous--we expected the cracker to completely fall apart (ever try dunking a graham cracker in hot cocoa? A disaster). It did get quite soggalicious, but it maintained its square shape, and grahammy flavor, mixed in with the seeped-in savory bacon taste. Consensus among the baconeers in attendance is that this test is well worth repeating--we'd recommend wrapping the lucky cracker up with a marshmallow and a square of your favorite chocolate for a s'more that'd put the Girl-Scouts-round-the-campfire version to shame.

The conclusion: Bacon + graham cracker = something completely different

We interrupt your regularly scheduled bacon broadcast...

...to bring you this picture of Mad Men star Christina Hendricks. If bacon were to spring to life and take human form, it might look a great deal like this salty, savory lass. We don't care where this photograph was taken (though we thank What Would Tyler Durden Do? for sharing them), who made her dress, or what kind of flower that is that's pinned to her frock. We just know that the scenes in which her character, Sterling Cooper office manager Joan, walks out of a room make the show worth watching, and life worth living. Plus, we're pretty sure she could bring about world peace with her boobs.