Friday, April 24, 2009

Test #143: Bacon and BEEF RAVIOLI

The subject
Sometimes there's not much difference between a food's fresh and canned versions. Canned black beans, for example, aren't much different than ones you soaked and cooked yourself, and not too terribly far off from the fart seeds you picked right from a garden. Ravioli, however--that's a different story. The similarities pretty much end at the shape; the canned one's filling has a bizarre texture, the alleged tomato sauce is orange, and the meat doesn't taste like any roast beast anyone could recognize. Canned ravioli and other Chef Boyardee treats have their fans, however. We're not really among them, but we respect the hankering of any red-blooded American for the sub-cuisine flavor of a dish that requires no more effort to prepare than a few turns of a can opener.

We decided to alter the canned ravioli's can-microwave-mouth path and wrap it in bacon. And away we go...

The result
Dear Lord Jesus, christ and savior, please save us from the awful taste that a single bite of this edible abomination has left in our mouths. From the tin-can tinge of the "tomato" sauce, to the rancid flavor of the meat ensconced in the limpid pasta, we cringe at the aftertaste that we cannot exorcise from our mouths--even after cups of coffee, gallons of mouthwash, and high-powered blowtorches. Tiny baby Jesus, please help us spread the word warning all Your other children of the dangers of bacon-wrapping canned ravioli, so that no others will suffer the same torture that we have. As humble thanks for Your infinite love and mercy, we offer You this video of kittens.


The conclusion: Bacon + beef ravioli = Chef Boyardon't

Saturday: Bacon + Hot Pocket
Sunday: This week's Bacon Bit

No comments:

Post a Comment